Jemima J by Jane Green

Author:Jane Green [Green, Jane]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: ePub Bud (www.epubbud.com)
Published: 2012-04-23T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter 17

They always say that you’re supposed to feel tired after a long-haul flight. I don’t feel tired, I feel excited, and happy, and nervous. It’s almost as if up until now it’s been a big game. There I was, playing around on the Internet, having this make-believe romance with someone I’d never met, and it was fun, it gave me something to look forward to, but now, now that I’m actually here, I’m so frightened.

Not because he could be anyone, he could be an axe murderer, a pedophile, a rapist, although that had crossed my mind, but more because I’ve come all this way and what if he doesn’t like me. I know what Geraldine would say, what if I don’t like him, but that’s kind of irrelevant, I mean, I’ve never been in a situation where I’ve had a choice. And I know things are different now, I know I don’t look like I used to, but it still seems ridiculous that I might not like someone who likes me.

What if I’m not what he expected? What if he sees through the illusion and sees the fat unhappy girl lurking beneath? After all, it wasn’t that long ago that I was a laughingstock. It hurts me to even say that, but I know it’s true. I know that despite the few people who saw through, who were kind to me anyway—people like Geraldine and Ben‌—most of the people I knew simply felt sorry for me.

And although I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize myself, in a weird sort of way this feels like a game too. It feels like it can’t be real, that I’m playing at being thin, and that at some point I will be fat again. I know I’m thin because I’m buying size 8 clothes (even they are slightly big on me) but I still feel the same, and I’m so scared that Brad will see that. And, more to the point, where the hell is he anyway?

I’ve got my suitcases, I’ve walked through customs, and I can’t see Brad, or even anyone who looks remotely like him, anywhere. I thought he’d be standing right at the front, I suppose, if I’m honest, I had stupid daydreams about this gorgeous hunk running over to me and scooping me up in his arms, but although there are many, many people here, none of them looks like Brad.

What if he doesn’t turn up? What if he’s not in? Where will I go? What will I do? As the panic starts to set in I realize that now I really do want a cigarette more than I’ve ever wanted one before in my life, but even as the thought crosses my mind I notice that all around are signs saying that it is a no-smoking airport, implying that anyone caught smoking will be hanged, drawn, and quartered, so I just sigh deeply and try to look like a woman who knows what she’s doing.

“Excuse me?” I turn, breath catching in my throat as I see a short, fat, balding man standing in front of me.

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